Grinhouse weekend...

Wow! There goes another weekend! We've had loads of fun at the doggie outing and Sunday nite had turned out to be a movie treat for me as
'Grindhouse: Planet Terror' and 'Death Proof' was shown over Star Movies.Zombies and Rose McGowan was hot! I really enjoyed the cheesy flick produced by Quentin Tarantino. Next up
was Death Proof with Kurt Russell. I am a big fan of his and this one is truly a campy masterpiece.Russell played Stuntman Mike, a psychotic driver obsessed with stalking and murdering young ladies. Vanessa
Ferlito and Rosario Dawson were the female lead in this flick.I love the ending where the evil stuntman's victim had turned the tide against him. The flick lasted about three
hours back to back!

Canon EOS 500D

Another quarter drawing to a close this year and Canon Camera had rolled out their latest beginner's market
digital single lens reflex camera - the EOS500D.This much anticipated photographic equipment boasts of some new features such as HDMI output, a new
15-megapixel CMOS sensor and its DIGICIV processor.So, its no wonder why Canon is dumping the EOS450D which is the 500D's predecessor. It should take about
six months to a year before this camera is released in Malaysia and the fun part is to wait and see.Retail price for the 500D is at USD$850 (RM3200) which puts it as a contender to the Nikon D60. Not only that,
Canon has also announced their Speedlite 270EX which I think, answered the call of many digital camera users
who wants a compact and versatile flash.

Sunday's BBQ do..

Aaaahhhh!!! The weekend is approaching fast! I can't wait to load the kidz in our Huskymobile and head straight to the One Utama Central Park on Sunday. I've made some arrangements to provide food for the crowd at the Pets Magazine photoshoot.Frankly speaking, I am not a fan of the magazine and the outing was a show of support to the Husky Club founders and members.For food, I am going to prepare some lambchops and sausages. We've been doing this for the past outing and our offering was well-received.I hope Mrs Samo can reach home in time because her flight from Atlanta to Paris was delayed. She might miss the connecting flight to KL.

The promotion

My boss handed me a letter today.

My suspicions confirmed. Over the last couple weeks, there has been rumours that increment letters have been processed and approved.

I was looking forward to some financial rewards after working for a year. My departure from a union reporter to management was timely as I took more than 15 years to prepare for this.

To my delight, I found out that I was promoted from the rank of a senior writer to chief reporter.

And for a brief moment the feeling was euphoric. That was the best thing to happen to me in my career as a reporter.

I've put in some effort and with a great team and a good management crew, we've pulled it together.

To me, it was an honour to serve and a recognition from the top brass. My boss pushed for this and I owe him and the team my gratitude. 

Without their cooperation, I may have failed miserably. This new chapter in my life gave me some encouragement to work and peform better.

As far as the financial gain is concerned, I get 5% more this year and hoped to take my career as a journalist as far as I can.

I feel very proud today and as I see it, I won't let this get into my head as the road ahead is long and winding.

Furminate with extreme prejudice..

After weeks of shedding, I finally had the courage to rake my kidz.While watching the latest episode of CSI last nite, I decided to work on Sir Naughty with the patented
'Furminator'. Simple as it seems, this tool is very effective in removing the dog's undercoat. It took me nearly 20 minutes to
rake in almost a bag of shedded fur.Then, the most daunting task came. I need to work on the Coonkid. This is the naughtiest dog in the
neighbourhood. After much struggling, I managed to subdue the monster kid and started raking her fur. Within minutes, the
Furminator yielded some good results. From both the kidz, I raked a bag full of fur. Tonight, well, hopefully we'll have another session to de-shed the
Huskies!

Formula One season is back..

Ugh! The Formula 1 race season for 2009 is back.Something which I dread because I am not in to motor racing and anything related to cars. Yes, the pit umbrella
girls are hot, but the only thing you'll see on TV - are guys driving in circles for an hour. That's prime time TV and a Billion dollar industry when it comes to licensecing and merchandising rights. You'll
get Formula One stuff at cut throat prices and not to mention - endorsement for watches and other expensive
boy-gear. Since race day is on a Sunday, I better find an excuse to work cos the wife is gonna hog our TV. Races that are
split by time zone difference are the ones that hurts the most. You get the races on Monday night and TV-hogging
goes on and on.I wanted to cull the sports package on Astro, but the wifey insists that we have it because of the Fucking Formula
One. Thankfully, Sunday TV aren't that great, so, the telly-time has to be sacrificed. Way I see it, Formula One is
a fucking waste of time and money. It doesn't benefit me in any way.

Laying off Andre..

Picked this up from the USN.. Very funny..

Originality..

Some folks have way with words. And when two sentences sounds very close to each other, some confusion may arise. So, who came up with the
'food trail' column first? Was it the Star or the NST? While I was leisurely flipping through the competitor's pages, I came across 'Gourmet Trail'. How original is that?
This page was buried in 'Travel Times', a section which was started to cater for local tourism.And it was created by an ex-Group editor to benefit his chrony. That didn't work out because it was losing more
money that it was supposed to make. Travel Times became a unit on its own after the consulting company which was contracted to run it had gone to
the dogs. Nothing against them cos one of the writer there is a good friend of mine. But ethically-speaking, the editor of
this section should avoid clashing with other publications by using a column with a similar name.

Bad call..

Wow! I must say that fools do the darnest things.Word had it that an upstart was promoted to the ranks of an Editor to run the oldest newspaper in the country's weekend section.After two years? Whoah! They never learn from their mistakes. And for a publishing house that is doing like 90K copies on a daily basis, their circulation is dwindling.I received this shocking news from a mutual acquaintance who still hangs out at the establishment. Its been a year since I turned my back on the old workplace and things are certainly going from back to worse.Who is this upstart? Well, things certainly happen in a funny way. Some years back, I saw this woman who looked familiar. She used to study in the same class as I did back in art school.As a matter of fact, this aloof character was the school mate with a girl whom I used to date. So much for chance! With penchant for literary, I'd say that she had a head-start. The world as it seems, is a small place. This woman hooked up with my ex-boss, a lady who was given the mandate to run the publication's feature desk by a dictator who is the current nation leader's business proxy.And they ran their own fifedom till everyone in the clan left. For political reasons of course. I've never seen a person rise from an ordinary reporter to editor in a span of three years. That's the oldest newspaper in the country for you! I wish her all the best and luck as there are plenty of pages to be filled. If she does not collapse with a stroke in a year or two, then its all smooth sailing...

Saving planet earth..

Switching off for 60 minutes ain't gonna save the world entirely.And seriously, I don't buy the Earth Hour hype that is going to take place this weekend. Way I see it, the whole
shenanigan is a ploy for certain party to make money.Al Gore made money by telling the whole world the ice caps are going to melt. His 'Incovenient Truth' made
tonnes of money worldwide.And based on what? Stuff that we've already know - reinforced with prophecies of doom. Now, its 'Earth Hour'. I
see plenty of 'celebrity endorsement'. One of the ad I saw on TV was our Space Tourist and a failed race car driver. Both, equally as dumb as they
look, were talking cock about switching off the light. You put two idiots in front of the camera talking about stuff they don't know. Are they going to practice what they preach after the cue to cut was given?

Here's the reality check - you can switch off, but the energy producing plants are going to run no matter what.
Way I see it, if you want to be green, you don't have to show off. The world is going to end someday, and I don't
think I am going to experience that in my lifetime..

Saturday, Sunday, Monday..

As far as Saturday was concerned, it was a PR session with the in-laws. I spent half the day resting at home, hanging out with the kidz, taking them for their overdue walks. It was great.
Hanging out at home meant I don't have to spend.Sunday, the kidz got their bath and de-ticking session. I also cleaned up the house and as both of them were
shedding, the vacuum cleaner was working extra hard.I also took off to the Giant Hyperpart in Putera Heights to get some lamb chops and sausages. During the
shopping session, I bought two food serving trays and covers including a set of things. This allows me to store the warm food and serve it professionally. No need to get extra big places or a seive to
cover the cooked food. The coming Sunday, I'll be meeting up with members fo the Husky club. One of the owners had lost her pup
recently due to poisoning. Its a tough time for her. Way I see it, the best policy is not to make any enemies. At home, our kidz were never
left unsupervised when I took them out.In the light of two recent cat killings, I fear for my gurl. There are simply too many stray cats around. All we need to
do, is to lay low.On Saturday, my wife is coming back from he US trip. In May, she shoots off to the states again. Till then, April
will be another month of laying low. And yeah, more expenses going out as my vehicle road tax expires. The Myvi is going to turn three next month. So far so good, its been giving me excellent service and great
mileage!

Scatterbrains..

Today is one of those days. I left home without realising that my cellphone was left on the coffee table. Not that I get calls that often, but its the
tool that I use for work.I've organised a dinner for a buddy of mine from Melbourne tonight, so, he might ring up at the last minute to get
hold of me.The arrangements have been made to host him and his family and some food. I also asked my neighbour, who is
also my old schoolmate to pass the message around.Within minutes, of the guys rang up to get me to reschedule the dinner. I told him to fuck off. If he can't make it, he
can have dinner with our mutual friend on another date. These days, I don't bend over for other people so that they can fit their schedule. Fuck them! If they can't even
make it for a simple meal, its too bad. And I am not expecting a big crowd. Half the guys are the ones I dread to meet. So, with that said, I hope things
will go down smooth tonight.

Lunch hour standoff

My lunch

Location of the stall

The photo I snapped, which was said to be 'controversial'

I made a bee-line at a food outlet near the city centre this afternoon.My colleagues were with me having lunch at a curry fish head joint. The food was not bad and our bill came to a
staggering RM84.

That covers the main dish - fish head, two plates of chicken and vegetables. It was a filling meal and by the time we got back to the car, two guys approached me.

One of them asked why I snapped some photos of the place. I told him that it was for my personal use. Then, he said that I took pictures of a government building.

"Hah? Apa ni? Saya ambik gambar kedai mamak, bukan pejabat kerajaan!," I said (I snapped photos of the food outlet, not any government building".

Since I don't know the guy or where he came from, I brushed him off. I told him that there's nothing sensitive in the shots I took.

Responding to my reply, the man said that there were some government folks there. I told him that I don't give two fucks about them.

I didn't back out from the standoff, nor did I reveal my identity. Its on a need to know basis and the way things were handled, it was very sloppy.

On the way out, I saw a Deputy Minister's vehicle parked by the roadside. He must have told the guy to apprehend me. Fuck him!

I wasn't there to ruffle his feathers. Just an ordinary guy having lunch. Way I see it, its abuse of power.

There's now Law stating that I cannot snap a shot of a building in a public place. So, this politician may have overreacted.

I just walked away from the scene and hoped that this retardwill be flushed out like a piece of
turd in a toilet bowl.

Kancil drivers...

I nearly had a heart attack last night.When I arrived at the guard house near my home, I took this main road to access the sidewalk where I usually
park my car.While I was negotiating a turn, a Perodua Kancil suddenly showed up on my driver's side. We were inches away
from colliding with each other.I can see the stunned face of the driver, a young Malay guy. If I did not brake in time, I might have to spend more
money at the workshop to repair the damage on my vehicle's body.The Gods were smiling on me because I came home without a scratch on the car. Otherwise it would have
ruined my entire evening. After alighting from the car, my hand were still shaking. What I usually do, when negotiating the corner, was flash
my high beam. The near collision caught me by surprise.

Let's cheat!

I've been playing the Grand Theft Auto IV on XBox360 and frankly, some of the stages were pretty frustating. So, I took it out on shooting cops and innocent people. And yeah, its simulated violence which I can pretty much
handled.One thing struck me as to 'advancing' to another stage of the game progress - is to find a cheat source on the
internet. And well, ask and ye shall receive. I found this after doing a google search. Felt as if I've hit a pot of gold with the
cheat codes.Now, I can get all the 'goodies' minus the hardwork! *muhahahahah!*

Another soggy day..

When it rains, it pours.I went home last night and crashed after having my dinner. From now on, its salad and wholemeal bread. To my
surprise, I found my meal rather filling. And I cheated of course! My mother in-law dropped a pack of Chinese roasted pork on the dining table and well, after a coupla nibbles, it
was empty.So, technically-speaking, my dinner was meat and greens. I made my last sandwich today and supplies has
been depleted. After a quick lunch, I'd probably head off to the nearest supermarket to replenish my greens as well as some
salad dressing.Seems that the creamy ones goes well, while the italian and french dressings were too sour. Vinegar, it seems,
is not good if you consume it in large quantity.Back at home, I need to correct my boy because he marked his territory on our dining table. Each morning, I can
see a puddle of pee and when I raised my voice, the pooch walked way its his ears swept back.Mrs Samo will be furious to see that her favourite eating spot has been marked with the boy's urine... *ugh!*

What the???!!!!

How did a mini cooper - priced at USD$19,500 (RM76K) a pop, can go on the road for RM180K?The Gods must be laughing at our vehicle duty and sales tax. Even a visiting friend from the UK where the mini is
made laughed his guts off when he heard the price."You guys must be mad!", he chimed. Anyone who is a average wage earner in his or sane mind - would not
spend RM180K for an imported car such as the mini.Again, this is opened to intrepretation and way I see it, the mini, a common car in the UK and Europe, is priced
ridiculously. Only drug dealers, pimps and corrupt buggers can afford this - if they live long enough to enjoy it. Meanwhile we,
the minions can only watch from a distance as a mini zooms by with the drug dealer and his cheeka inside it.

Here comes the iphone!

Are you ready for the apple iphone 3G?Not me. I am not even the least excited about the launch of this smartphone which is scheduled late this month.
Telco operator Maxis had tied in with apple Malaysia to sell the iphones from RM1.5k to RM2.4k. Depending on
the call plan, you can choose to have either the 8G or 16G iphone.Throw in the 3G data streaming capability and a host of applications that you don't need, I see the iphone as a
novelty. For the record, the Malaysian itunes store sucks! You cannot download free songs or even album covers for your
ipod and the only thing they sell there, are crappy applications. Speaking of usage, I don't see anything beyond making and receiving calls with the iphone. The yuppies may
have sank their claws on this as a 'status symbol' object.Way I see it, you pay RM2.5k, the phone is not even worth RM25 a piece after 6 months. And Maxis? well, I once
checked out their Blackberry programme which is a total waste of time. How many folks actually make Billion dollar decisions while they are on the go. Only a handful. If you are taken in
for the culture and style factor, then you are looking at a staggering data streaming bill at the end of the month.These things are not cheap and they are definitely not the best. So, the call is yours? Me? Well, I'll just have to sit
and wait and perhaps - have the last laugh when your iphone goes kaputt!

Lousy travelling companions

I've had a smooth morning.School holidays meant I can leave home later than the usual without experiencing traffic. And when I got to work, I
was doing good time.First order of the day was a routine report on the story count. The more, the better. This is followed by my
ritualistic trip to the canteen where I have my breakfast - an alfalfa sandwich and vegetable salad.Since I reduced my rice intake, I've been managing my weight below 100kgs. Need to reduce more as the
doctor said that less body mass meant lower blood pressure.But this changed later in the morning when I corresponded with my wife over facebook's chat software. She told
me that all is well at her end. Michelle is in Texas on a working trip and conference.I think this year has been good on her as she travelled frequently around the region. Then, she mentioned about
her business partner who brought his family along.This is one fellah to takes advantage of people for his own gain. His host had to bend over to his will. Its usual for
the partner to extort freebies and when I heard about what he had demanded from the host, my blood pressure
soared.Way I see it, this is the kind of person that would drag you along with him if shits hits the fan. He is not afraid to
ask and shamelessly demands for favour.I know this because I have followed my wife on her company trips. Twice, I became their forced labourer. And
when I had enough, I stood my ground by saying that in any future company excursions, they can draw a line
across my name.I am not interested and had never meddled with my wife's business. I respect her call and the only concern that I
have, is that her reputation may be ruined by her retarded business partner.This year alone, Michelle is going to the US twice. I have a break in September at the Vegas Suspect Gathering,
she wanted to come along. That will be her third visit. Way things are going, maybe the trip would not take place. And since this is our fifth year of marriage, I have to
cook up something...

The fast and the ruthless

I was driving home and spotted a couple of Ferraris pulling over by the highway. In it, there were a few old guys, probably in their mid-50s. Who are they? My guess was they were probably drug dealers, rapists or murderers.Way I see it, rich guys can never get enough, their habit is like a drug, they rape the poor to feed their addiction and murder other folks who get in their way.Ambition it seems, if cranked up way too tight, can be a pain. The question that lingered in my mind was: "Where the fuck they get so much money?"Similarly, I see kids driving fancy sports car on the road. Their parents probably slogged like slaves to put a roof over their heads.Maybe the sportster was a birthday gift, which is way too oppulent. Society as I see it, is getting from bad to worse. The rich gets richer and poor gets fucked and there are few middle-class folks.If you earn a decent living, there's no way you can afford at RM500,000 car, put it on the road and maintain it. Where cash is king, corruption is culture and money is power, the rich, well, mostly corrupted motherfuckers who earn from ill-gotten gains - will squeeze the poor to support their lifestyle.

The columnist

Not so long ago, if you are a column writer in a newspaper or any periodical, you will be looked upon with respect by your readers.

Well, these days, literally anyone can become a columnist. Since the Press covers a wide range of topic, you will find serious articles about the economy and politics right down to wankers indulging in mental masturbation.

Back in the days when I was with the country's oldest newspaper, the most important pages - editorials written by leader writers were dotted with some intelligent opinions qualified with educated arguments.

Most of the guys who wrote them are seasoned journalists with years of experience. Well, those were the days.

I saw the decline in quality as well as credibility in the articles as the years goes by.

Why? Because the good writers had either moved on, or crossed into the netherworld.

I witnessed as third-rate writers were given the task to host their own columns - usually arguing about cut and paste issues.

They lacked the experience and usually came out empty. I've stopped reading their articles based on their poor command of the issue and language.

Now, to rub salt into the wound, the oldest newspaper in the country invited teenagers, retirees, former corporate dictators and wannabes to pen their own column.

Even a junior reporter with less than a year's experience were given a column. And what do they write about?
Pure unadulterated cocka-mimi shit.You'll find the writer indulging in mental masturbation, talking cock and singing songs while they play mahjong.
More than often, they argue like schoolboys on topics they least understand and some were so dumb, you loose interest after reading the first line.

What makes things worse are columnists that are spaced out. They write on issues as if they were observing it from another planet.

With that in mind, the nobility of being a columnist had lost its lusture. But having said that, there are at least a few who are true to their calling - which wouldn't last long as they too are ageing with the prospect of meeting their maker.

Death Sentence

Sunday nights are for the movies!And last nite's offering on Star Movies was exceptional. I wanted to get the DVD for a flick shown at 10pm, but I guess ASTRO had beat me to it.Was flipping through the remote control last night and found that 'Death Sentence' is up on the prime spot. This means staying up late and well, it was worth every minute and hour!It stars Kevin Bacon as an executive who witnessed the murder of his eldest son. I found out later that the story was written by the same guy who penned the 'Death Wish' series starring Charles Bronson.Kevin Bacon's good acting had me glued to my couch. He played a convincing father who was tormented by the death of his son who was killed during a gang initiation ceremony.The storyline was similar to the Death Wish series and well, I kinda enjoyed seeing the gang members getting whacked one-by-one.And to my surprise, the film was directed by Kuching born James Wan. He directed the horror series 'Saw' and well, I'd say that he's done a good job with the movie...

Singapore run

Klang Bak Kut Teh in Beach Road?

Dinner in Gelang Patah

Baghdad street off Beach Road

Tangkak Beef noodles

Me and Lawrence at a taxi stand in North Bridge Road

There goes another weekend.. Yeah, Saturday was a full-day. I sent Michelle to the airport and shot straight home after that. She was bound for
Texas in the US and its a bitch to sit in an airplane for 25 hours. My day was rigged for a short trip to Singapore. This was planned with my buddies Lawrence Leong and Ah
Pan. They came by my house at 10am and our plan was to reach Singapore at 3pm.While we were on the road, I suggested a pit-stop at Seremban for beef noodles, but Ah Pan had a better
suggestion - head to Tangkak, Johore.This is a well-known makan place and our destination was a shop where everybody goes. We overshot the town
due to Ah Pan's bad directions and lucky for us, the NUVI 660 GPS system had the noodle shop marked as a
point of interest.After we found the place, we had a really good lunch. Ah Pan paid for it and we packed a few boxes of beef
jerky. With Tuas in sight, we cleared the Second Link CIC without much hassle. The drive to Singapore's downtown
business area took about 20-minutes.Our first stop was Camper's Corner. I need to claim my Chaco sandals which was sent in late last year for
replacement. Lawrence went shopping for shoes and other outdoor gear while Ah Pan bought some drinking bottles for his
friend farmer Wong.Later, we shot off to Beach Road and checked out the tacklestores and a mandatory pit stop at Mustaffa's in
Serangoon road. We went back to Campers to settle the bill and I made a mandatory visit to the Marketplace to stock up on my
large Campbell's soup.After that, we took off to Tuas and had dinner in Gelang Patah. Checked out a new place called Chua Kee. The
fare was so-so and what we found to be palatable there was the hor chien and sliced pork.The total time spent on the road was about 8 hours with 6 hours to spare in Singapore.

I've been doing this for some years and well, I guess with the Singapore Dollar at a staggering rate of RM2.45 per $1.00, there'll be less and less daytrip to this island republic...

Getting what you give...

Credibility and accountability are two things you have to stand by if you criticize people.

And its easy to slam a subject of scrutiny when you have an open-ended resource such as the internet.

In cyberspace, people are not what they seem to be.With anonymity, you can whack others under a pseudonym and this got some folks in trouble with the law.

It may be their fault entirely or purely an innocent victim of circumstances.

Way I see it, if you write a blog, you are accountable for your opinion as well as comments by your guests.

You have the mandate to censor thought provoking remarks such as racist slander and threatening statements.

Be what it may when it comes to free speech, but when a statement becomes inciteful with hatred, it can be intrepretated as a threat.

So, the word is: if you are charging into a wall of fire, be prepared to lick the flames. People say the darnest things and for reasons they know best, so, if they got picked by the authority for something they said, they better be prepared to answer and at the same time - shit in their pants.

A kick in the groin..

There's many reasons for me to love my aunt Lorraine.
She raised me from an infant and I lived with her till I got married. This is one fiesty woman and well, since she's in her mid-70s, every moment spent with her is golden.
I rang her up today to catch up with her and asked if she had seen a police report I made 9 years ago. It was for my lost passport.
"Ah! I threw it away. You don't need it anymore," she said. My heart immediately sank when I heard that. I told her that the document was to support my application for a new US Visa.
"Aiya, the US Government don't need that old report anymore lah. After all, you got your new passport already what!," she added.
At this point, I don't whether to laugh of cry. I told the old lady that it doesn't matter what she thinks because the
US Government wanted black and white on how I lost my passport.
So, the daunting task now, is to locate a copy of the report and start everything from scratch again.

My fear is that the lost passport with my type 'I' US visa (10 years multiple entry) was used by some terrorist or enemy of the US for illegal purposes.
But seeing as it is, 10 years had nearly passed and no news of any abuse of the missing travel document...

10 Questions with Mr Kee

Playwright, author, English columnist and my friend Mr Kee Thuan Chye speaks his mind on The Edge..

Tales from the Emergency Room..

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient. Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Strider MK1A

Fuah!!! Those Striderguys did it again and this time, they got it right.I am talking about their proven field knife the MK1A. This time round, they used the EB-fashioned G-10 handles
with the unmistakeable 'Gunner Grip' handles.When I saw the pix posted on http://www.tadgear.com/, I creamed in my pants. No shit. In our humid weather,
Japanese styled cord-wrapped handles on knives could not hold. Not even compressed leather.Things breakdown with the humidity and one of the toughest thermoplastic known to mankind is the G-10. This is
also used to line nuclear reactors.And as a rule of thumb, any G-10 scales used on knives will push its pricing to a premium. Now, back to the
MK1A, I'd say that this is a 'must-have' piece for any jungle bashers.It's tough and built to last and if you break it, the Striderguys will replace it unconditionally. That's what I like about
them despite the bad rap and slander thrown on them by their competitors.

Foreign labour dependency

Another day draws to an end.I managed to round up some groceries and the much anticipated Delifrance old fashioned wholemeal bread.
Two loaves for RM5.50.Not bad for some freshly baked bread. When I asked one of the guy working there about the bread, he
misintrepretated my query by saying that there no chocolate filling in the bread.Now, obviously, he didn't understand Malay, so, I asked again in English. "No chocolate inside!", he responded.
All I asked was: "What is the colour of the inner crust? Brown?"I guess that this is a situation that we are facing. Too many Myanmar and Bangladeshi workers in the service
sector. They fill in the void left behind by the locals. As a matter of fact, they are everywhere. Now, there's a hoo-haah
about stopping foreign workers from coming into the country.To employers, this is a precarious situation because no locals will take up the job of a maid, waiter, shop
assistant and brick layers.Not only its bad that you have non native speakers manning the show, the locals themselves are asking for sky
high paychecks for skills they don't have.The steady influx of foreigners into the country also impacted the social circle. While their presence gave many
xenophobic folks that sinking feeling, the business community are taking advantage of this.Can we do without foreigners? Well, I guess not at the moment...

Osama, Obama and yo momma

I am not a fan of US politics nor I am a follower of any marketing campaign.And I don't dig motivators who ride on a successful Presidential marketing campaign. There was a big hoo-hah
about this white guy who ran Barrack Obama's ticket to the white house and Tiger Beer took advantage of it by
inviting the man behind it to KL for a talk.Among the panel was a former defacto law minister, a newspaper columnist, an assemblyman, a lawyer, a
political blogger who was once my big boss, some folks and I believe, a coupla tyrants who used to head the
corporate sector.Obama made it because the Americans are fed-up. Let's see how he fares over the next coupla years. The
marketing guy is in the picture as a catalyst and now, he is riding on Obama's success by giving talks all over the
world. So, was the session a success? Blogger Suanie T has the lowdown :
http://www.suanie.net/2009/03/08/the-obama-magic-is-obama-himself/comment-page-1/#comment-554197

Customer service

Customer service.Apparently, non-existant here in our country. Sad but true. I guess this is the curse in any service orientated
industry especially the retail line. On Sunday, a co-worker and I went to a nearby mall for lunch. There was a game store on the second-level, so,
we decided to check it out. Prices are ridiculous and well, customer service was non-existant. The owner of the shop was playing his game
console and couldn't even be bothered to attend his customers.This is not new, because the same person is also a retard who co-owned the main branch of the game store in
Cineleisure. In the light of the present economic situation, its a buyer's market. If a salesman gives attitude and lousy service -
he will lose a customer. So, with a vast majority of retail outlets like that in the Klang Valley facing the crunch. I won't have any sympathy to
those buggers who have to shut down because their customer service is crap.

Another new joint

I received a phone call this afternoon inviting me to the 'VIP' party at a fast food outlet. 

It's their second in town and well, to be frank, their food sucks. Since the outlet's operations manager is a good friend of mine, I thought why not just pop by and say hello, pay my respect and fuck off.

I did just that with a co-worker of mine and when we got there, it was packed to the brim. The restaurant was entertaining their suppliers and supporter. 

There was a media table, so I signed up and left my calling card. A big mistake. Then, I tried to look for a place to sit, but the eating place was crowded. 

They had some white folks from the States over serving food and drinks. There was a buffet table and some cold cuts strewn all over the table as if some cow had just puked. 

I saw that the crowd was purty fake and well, since we can't get a table, and not wanting to look like hungry beggars - I decided to bug out. The kidz need to be fed and I have to send my co-worker home.

Its convenient timing. And well, just when I was walking out, my cellphone rang. "Where are you Mr Sam? I want to introduce you to our VIP."

"Oh, I am walking out, going home," I replied. "Then, where is your photographer?", he said. "What photographer? I didn't come to work, I just dropped by to say hello and fuck off." That was the end of my conversation.

Bubba Gump Shrimp and Co, in my humble opinion, has a long, long, way to go. I hate shrimps for starters, their prices are horrible and their food are totally junk. 

No disrespect to the ops guy, that's the truth. With times like these, I better keep my money and eat elsewhere.

Data usage on cellphones is an advantage - especially for media folks.You can check emails, browse the net and download applications on the go. But there is one hidden catch and
that's the hidden cost.I learned this when I utilised my Nokia N-82's built-in A-GPS system. This is a navigational tool using cell network
to traingulate your location.Its cool to deploy, but each time you leave the data streaming on your phone, it sucks up your airtime credit like a
dry sponge.For 30-minutes of combined usage, I was charged RM52. So, in less than three days, my call credit went down
to RM1.31. I was appalled to see it and when I rang up my telco's customer service - I was told that the bulk of the
charges were billed on data transfer.Another fault was my phone cos each time I open the Nokia Maps application, it automatically enables data
streaming. And each time it logs into the site, I see a drop in my credit. So, that said, I have to be sparing when it comes to
utilising the phone's GPS. That said, its back to basics - use the Garmin GPSmap 76csx...

Killa Queen

I woke up at 04:00am this morning. 

There was a loud crash and the kidz were barking. When I shined my flashlight at the garden, I can see my gurl subduing a cat.

By the time I got down to see what was going on, the feline intruder was clinging to its dear life. 

Its breathing was shallow and the only thing to do, was to dispose of its carcass. This is dead cat number two. 

Officially, my gurl is a serial cat killer. I was surprised that she could leap across the fencing despite her deformed hind leg. 

My gurl's prey drive on small animals especially cats is high. I need to pay close attention to her especially when she is in the company of people who love cats.. 

Less rice

Been slow on rice as my main diet.Nowadays, dinner is virtually rice-free. I only get one small portion daily during lunch. The doctor said that by
reducing rice, I would be able to stabilise my blood pressure.Other benefits of eating right is gradual weight reduction. Since I started on my reduced rice intake, I shed nearly
4kgs. I hope to maintain this for as long as I can.At night, its salad and some pasta. I read along the line that processed carbohidrates like noodles would also
contribute to weight gain.Then, there's this theory on acidic and alkaline food. Too much acid can be bad and research indicated that folks
with a low alkaline count has a lower risk of cancer.How true? Well, nothing firm because its only research.

On time

Had a long day last night and slept rather late. So, I got up a bit late this morning and in my mind, I thought I was screwed cos it takes nearly two hours to brave
the traffic to work.I am still manning the desk after swapping the work schedule with a co-worker. No issues on that cos eight hours
of work can just melt like an ice-cream under the hot sun.To manage my travel time on the road, I was told that the Subang exit on the NKVE highway is one alternative.
This means, getting on the ELITE highway and slowly making my way to the exit.Toll charges are at RM2.30 and the link to my workplace is next to the MAS training centre. In less than 12
minutes, I reached the toll exit and the entire journey took about 55 minutes. I actually stopped at a petrol station near the toll for about 10-minutes. So, the actual travel time is shorter than
the usual.This means, I left my house at 7:30am and arrived at the office around 8:15. Not bad and if I leave home at
7:00am, I may arrive before 8:00. There is a small price to pay and way I see it, its worth it. No stress on the road with the traffic jam. Alternately,
this would be the detour if I get up late.

Going global..

Aaahhh... The internet.. A place of convergence for techies, foodies and wierdos. Michelle had emailed me a link from Singapore called http://www.shiok.com/ this morning.

It featured an article of mine with a little 'extra'.They lifted it from Star on-line and added four sentences which took away the entire meaning from the original heading that goes: "piping hot bowl of noodles".

The smart assed webmaster added "with a let down" because I mentioned about foreign workers washing their plates and utensils by the roadsite.

Once you changed it, the entire meaning changes as well. So much for responsible journalism. Oh, anyways, I don't expect too much from Singaporeans.

Affiliated to Asia One (this belongs to the Singapore Press Holdings), this food domain has a host of makan place in the island republic.

I guess with the widespread coverage of my 'Food Trail' column, I have to get ready for more brick bats from folks abroad as well as outside the Klang Valley.

The joy of early morning traffic

Ah! Just when I thought that an alternative route was the best to get to work fast, I was dead wrong.

The Puchong - Damansara highway is one of such and as the rule of thumb dictates: better leave home before 06:30am because this is the BEST time EVER to beat ANY traffic congestion.On the average, I spend about an hour or more to get to work.

This daily crawl is routine from my home to the workplace.Today, it took me nearly an hour to clear the LDP toll booth.

Each trip costs RM3.20 on a single-journey. The usual route is from Persiaran Kewajipan via Persiaran Tujuan through the Federal Highway and the LDP.

There is no cost to use this road but its heavily jammed up. Vehicles cutting queue and idiot drivers who don't know their lane designation made it a nightmare.

I can't say much about the trip home and usually, I would use the NKVE highway that costs RM2.80 on a single journey.

While others are feeling the crunch, I don't see how the situation will improve as I am majorly fucked from day one I use the routes.

The joy of early morning traffic

Ah! Just when I thought that an alternative route was the best to get to work fast, I was dead wrong.

The Puchong - Damansara highway is one of such and as the rule of thumb dictates: better leave home before 06:30am because this is the BEST time EVER to beat ANY traffic congestion.On the average, I spend about an hour or more to get to work.

This daily crawl is routine from my home to the workplace.Today, it took me nearly an hour to clear the LDP toll booth.

Each trip costs RM3.20 on a single-journey. The usual route is from Persiaran Kewajipan via Persiaran Tujuan through the Federal Highway and the LDP.

There is no cost to use this road but its heavily jammed up. Vehicles cutting queue and idiot drivers who don't know their lane designation made it a nightmare.

I can't say much about the trip home and usually, I would use the NKVE highway that costs RM2.80 on a single journey.

While others are feeling the crunch, I don't see how the situation will improve as I am majorly fucked from day one I use the routes.

Okay, bring in the fakes!

Well, whaddaya know? The internet has paved way to a new breed of on-line journalists and well, a distress
message was sent out by a 'well-known' public relations practitioner about 'fake media' people.The email was linked to a blog - fakemediamalaysia.blogspot.com and I found this weblog to be very
entertaining.There is such a thing as folks posing as reporters attending functions. The goal? A free meal and perhaps some
freebies at the end of the day.So, how to they make up with all the rakings? They posted their 'coverage' of the event on their blog sites.
Amazing! For the unlucky few who were exposed, I guess they really-really wanted to be a journalist. This also puts the PR practitioners in a bad light because they could not kick out any imposters who signed up
for their event. The only way to curb such abuse - is to demand for their media acredidation which is issued by the Information
Ministry. On-line journos for mainstream medias and foreign wire services are issued with this as proof of
employment.I am not sure about bloggers and well, 'fake media' folks because if they really want to, they can make a fake
media accredidation card with today's inkjet technology.. Hahahah!

Working holiday

Not! Ahahah! The alarm clock was buzzing at 05:00am this morning.

Michelle was already up and about. Then the dogs came into the room. My gurl placed her cold nose of my face and that signals the beginning of my day.

When I got down to the living room, my wife was getting ready to leave the country. She's been doing so for the past week and will continue to travel till the end of the month.

I've never seen her working so hard and in times like these, getting an overseas job is better than doing nothing.
With her absense, some of the house chores including caring for the dogs are mine.While she is away, I have a long winding week.

This month is not going to be as light as February where I worked only 15 days. In March, its gonna be 23 days of work and 7 days of rest.

I don't forsee any lax in the rest days as the game plan can change. At this point in life - work pays the bills, puts food on the table and a roof over my head.

So, I can hardly complain cos its only 12 straight hours daily and the rest is a bonus!

Old is gold

Some folks just fucks up your day.I man the desk every morning and its never short of stupid phonecalls.

Folks that really make my blood boil are retirees and fogies.This morning, a lady rang up to ask for some information.

She wanted to know where she can send some old clothing to Myanmar refugees. The article, she said, was published two years ago.

So, as a standard operating procedure, I asked her where she read about it. The lady said: "Its in the Star".

So, I told her that we have many sections and it would be easier to trace the article if she knows the name of the writer, which section and publication date.

"I don't know that's why I ask you," she responded. My reaction was a simple: "Sorry, I can't help you if you cannot provide me with the basic information."

"Its easy to say sorry. You don't know you job. You never tried hard enough. You are stupid," she said, slamming down the phone.

Well, to illustrate my point, these are the retards that call everyday. Their mission: to ruin your day cos they simply can't help themselves.

Old people always think they are right and can do no wrong. They hide behind their grey hair and wrinkles and if you take pity, you get fucked.

Fallen

I never thought I'd see the day. The piece of shit who gave me so much problems and his chronies were shown to the door. After leaving the
journalism fraternity, this guy was given a high post in a public relations company.And as this year is a year of drastic change, the very lifeline that funds his business was cut off. So, he resigned
to his fate.For a journalist, I saw the worse being brought out from this former bureau chief of the Singapore Straits Times.
He has no personality and writes like how old people fuck. Through association with the Prime Minister's business buddy, this guy came in with blazing saddles and
became a sloganist.He, together with a few other 'resurrected' ex-journalist were given the important task to revamp a dead product.
You can fool some, but not everyone. In his reign, he wrote some really obvious kiss-ass editorials on the powers that be. It was so blatant, people had
lost faith in the product.But seeing as it is, the said guy and his chronies had lived in denial. More than often, giving each other
self-praise. And I thought the previous regime was bad, this is worse. But as time progresses, each one of them got plucked
out from the scene - one-by-one.The last to leave was the sorry excuse of a human being who took up a Deputy Editor post. Now, the man and
his buddies will face the ultimate humiliation - defeat.If there's any salvation, that would be starting all over again. I bet his rich chrony will offer a bail out. So, moral of
the story is : the higher you climb, the harder you fall.