1st TESTIMONY:I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in towand asked loudly,'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'I turned around and walked back out and never went backMy husband didn't say a word..he knew better.
2nd TESTIMONY:I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'
3rd TESTIMONY:My sister and I were at the mall andpassed by a store that sold avariety of candy and nuts.As we were looking at the display case,the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts..'My sister started to laugh hysterically.The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.To this day,my sister has never let me forget.
4th TESTIMONY :While in line at the bank one afternoon,my toddler decided to releasesome pent-up energy and ran amok.I was finally able to grab hold ofher after receiving looks of disgustand annoyance from other patrons.I told her that if she did not start behaving'right now' she would be punished.To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,'If you don't let me go right now,I will tell Grandma that I saw youkissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.I mustered up the last of my dignity andwalked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
5th TESTIMONY:Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errandsIt was very busy, with a full dining room.While enjoying my taco,I smelled something funny,so of course I checkedmy seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.The realized that Dannyhad not asked to go potty in a while.I asked him if he needed to go,and he said 'No' .I kept thinking'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'Then I said,'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?''No,' he replied.I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeksand yelled'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.An old couple made me feel better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
6th TESTIMOMY: A radio DJ in Malaysia asked her listeners to call and answer some trivial questions. The first to answer correctly would get a prize from the sponsor. She asked, "What is the household name for sodium chloride". An eager housewife called in but she did not know the answer, she asked for a tip. The DJ hinted " Something you put on your husband's eggs in the morning". The housewife confidently answered, " Talcum Powder " The DJ did not return until after a few songs.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 daysand a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,in the future, likely think before she speaks.What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!We had a female news anchor that,the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,turned to the weatherman and asked:'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'Not only did HE have to leave the set,but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laughand rememberwe all say things we don't really mean,so think before you speak!!!